“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”― George Carlin
“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'.Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.”― Charles M. Schulz
“If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?”― Steven Wright